Let's Put On A Show

There I was in my personal homeland, Gelson's, a holy place, overpriced but tranquil. Gelson's always puts me in a good mood, no matter how rushed, how preoccupied, how meshuggie I'm feeling. So I forgot the number one vow I made years ago: "In the market, in the store, in any public place, don't engage with people you know don't remember you from bupkis unless you remind them. Don't make eye contact. Don't go there." But you see, these days, I'm not in my right mind. I'm operating on a whole other frequency. I'm dialing in a new channel: Serious PPM. You heard me. Serious PPM: Serious Promotional Postcard Mode. This is my first time dealing with Serious PPM. As I've already told you 82 times in the past two weeks, Mickey and Judy and the SJG are putting on a show. Six shows, to be exact. That's a lot of tickets to sell. Like a madwoman with no shame, none whatso, I'm handing out the postcards for Brushes. I'm dropping them in mailboxes. I've gone off the deep end.

At my gym Schvitz! At my salon Hello Gorgeous! I'm leaving stacks of postcards. And yes, God help me, even in Gelson's, I'm offering them up like free samples of coconut water and vegan cheese. You may want to avoid me. Or give me a hug and whisper, "It's going to be okay, SJG." And so, here's the dark path I took at Gelson's, one I will avoid from now on. I saw her in the corner of the bakery, Sheila, the 80-something gal with the sunglasses. She used to belong to Schvitz! Not anymore. The encounter went something like this:
"Hi, Sheila."
"Who are you?"
"Carol. From the gym."
"Oh, right. Your sons must be, what, in their 40s? 50s?"
"They're 31 and 27.
"Are they working? Do they make a living?"
"More or less."
"Are you still married?"
"Of course, Sheila. These are the weirdest questions."
"In case you're interested, I've had open heart surgery, a stroke and my husband's dead."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Listen, here's a postcard for a show that -- "
"A what?"
"A postcard. My friend and I --"
"I never leave the house."
"Okay, Sheila. Great seeing you. Bye."

Serious PPM strikes again. I hear it's untreatable.