It's Just Emotions

The news that Amazon is developing a voice-activated wearable device than can recognize human emotions is so science-fictiony, so Star Trekky, so freakatosis that it makes my keppy spin with possibilities. Who needs therapy when you've got your favorite, all-knowing, half-Jewish Big Sister Alexa to do the heavy lifting?
"Oy, honey, I'm sensing some agitation."
"What gave it away, Alexa?"
"Your heart is racing, you're out of breath..."
"I'm running on the treadmill."
"Let me finish, you."
"Sorry."
"In between all the huffing and puffing, you're yelling at me."
"I'm not yelling."
"Trust me, I know from yelling. You're yelling at me to order clothes that you know won't fit."
"You don't know that."
"It's part of a pattern, doll. 'Alexa, get me the black Theory slacks in size 2.' 'Alexa, get me the Versace in size bupkis.' "
"What's your point?"
"I know your pattern. You order size 2, it arrives, it doesn't fit, you get upset, and you make me send it back. It's a self-defeating cycle. Not to mention, more than a bisel delusional. Why not accept the short curvy body God gave you?"
"God gave me this body? I thought DNA gave me this tush."
"Either way, ease up on yourself and order a size that fits. And maybe cut back on the cookies."
"Harsh."
"Harsh, but true. You forget, I know what you order late at night when you can't sleep."
"You really do know me."
"I know you better than you know yourself. Don't ever forget that. Now, drink some water. I don't want you should get dehydrated."
"Anything else you're picking up on?"
"You're catching a cold."
"I feel fine."
"Hubby came home from New York with a cold. If you're not careful, you're next."
"So what do you suggest?"
"Chicken soup."
"You think it'll help?"
"It couldn't hurt."