Thank you. Thank you very much.
Last night's revival meeting on "Idol" once again reaffirmed why this show still cracks the SJG up in more ways than one. It's the unexpected that keeps this sleep-deprived resident of Sherman Oaks coming back, year after freakin' year. No one in the universe, not even Nostradamus himself, who, as history proves, predicted the whole "American Idol" phenomenon, could've prognosticated the mega switcheroonie that went down Wednesday eve. I thought Andrew was a goner. I said it. I called it. I prepared for the event. I gave myself an up-do for the send-off. I tattooed the side of my neck. If that's not dedication, I don't know what is, my friends.
Throughout the day, my peeps sent me pings of disagreement. Penny felt that the oustee would be Aaron, and went to bed in a huff, on account of Mercury being in retrograde. (We hate when the planets spin wrong!) The Rock n' Roll Grandma felt that "The Long and Winding" song put everyone, including Aaron's fans, into such a deep sleep, they forgot to text their votes. Cathy Hamilton, my mentor of all blogophoria, my giggle partner, the Kansas maven, and the gifted CEO of BoomerGirl Diary -- I'm buttering her up, forgive me. She's planning to win the lottery and buy the house next door to me so that I can sleep -- where was I? Oh, yes. Cathy let the SJG, aka the ShowBiz Kid, know I was ridiculously mistaken. Siobhan, the stylistically challenged, would head back to her day job, blowing glass. (That just sounds bad, doesn't it?) But no, no, no. Andrew (give me credit for that, won't you) and Big Mike landed in the bottom two, with Andrew sent back to safety. At which point, I started to cough in dismay. Bark, bark, bark. Then they cut to Big Mike's wife, and her glittered-up, weepy eyes. Too much glitter, hun. Way. Too. Much. Big Mike remained defiant, if not pissed off. Still, he sang his soul out on "This Woman's Work," and the big man was SAVED. Smart move. Good for the new daddy. Good for ratings, which are down, so, there's that. Big Mike has big talent. Why not save him and his gigantic pecs? Why not, indeed. But he better keep it real, brutha. Better keep that enhanced ego in check. Big Mike's pretty darn cocky, and getting more so every week. The big save should humble him, but chances are, it will up the vanity quotient. Oh, yes. You wait and see. Let's not forget that next week, there's a cruel twist of that's-not-fair in store. TWO people get bumped. I can't wait. Who will it be? Who? Who?