Friday, April 23, 2010

Ten Things I Won't Be Doing This Weekend

Keep away, he's mine

1. Touring tattoo parlors with Michelle "Bombshell" McGee
2. Studying Kate Gosselin's Best Dance Moves
3. Letting Stacy London of "What Not to Wear" into my closet
4. Feuding with Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, any Lohan
5. Visiting Jesse James in rehab
6. Shopping on Melrose with Lady Gaga
7. Shaving off Brad Pitt's scraggly beard
8. Stalking Matthew Fox, due to restraining order
9. Teaching Heather Locklear how to drive
10. Parading the 'hood in that Dior gown Jen Aniston loaned me

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