How To Annoy Your People

1.  Make dumb suggestions to the eldest.  "You should take a photo of you, your roomie and his girlfriend sitting on the new sectional, with the greeting, "Happy Labor Day from the gang at Living Spaces." "When the eff is Labor Day?" "In September.  It gives you plenty of time to set this up. One of you should be cuddling a plastic baby doll."  By now, I'm laughing hysterically.  I'm the only one.  "You really think this is funny, don't you?" "It may be one of the best ideas I've ever had."  He makes the international sign for "cuckoo," announces, "Mom has lost it."  His brother nods in agreement. I'm deeply wounded, but keep laughing.  No one cracks me up as much as I do.
2.  Make dumb suggestions to the youngest.  "Don't forget your glasses."  "What do I need them for?"  "To see."  "I see fine without them." "You're going to the Dodger game tonight."  "So?"  "Don't you want to see the game?" "I guess."  A minute later, he goes into the garage.  "What about the glasses?"  Major sigh, followed by exaggerated eye-rolling. Goes back in, retrieves glasses.
3. Make dumb suggestions to the dog. "Stop barking."  Bark, bark.  "What are you barking at?"  Bark, bark.  "No one's out there."  Bark, bark.  Translation:  "Prove it."  "Come on, I'll show you."  I open the door.  Dusty looks out.  Nothing bark-worthy.  No humans, no dogs.  "See?" I close the door.  He barks again.  Translation: "Barking defines me.  When you tell me to stop barking, I bark more.  We've been at this for nine years.  What part isn't clear?"  Everything.