Round Two

Thank you, sir, may I have another?

The victory dance went over a little too well with the folks at "Wipeout."  Damn it.  The eldest nailed the four-minute, let's-get-you-on-video phase, during which he confessed his somewhat exaggerated addiction to cheddar cheese.  "What's the weirdest thing you've ever put cheese on?" the interviewer asked.  "Ice cream," he said, "and it was delicious."  "Why do you want to be on 'Wipeout'?"  "So that all of my friends and family can watch me make a complete ass of myself and laugh hysterically till they fall off the couch."  "Alright.  Now do your victory dance."
He spun and flailed, he made the V sign.  He whooped.  "Congratulations, you're moving on to round two."  Round two involved filling out 50 pages of legalese.  God only knows what rights he may have signed away in this altered state.  "Have you ever been to prison?"  Hell, no.  "Do you have any future plans to go to prison?"  Uh, no.  "Do you have health insurance?"  Yes.  "How long can you hold your breath under water?"  As long as you need me to.  "Do you mind getting punched in the face, repeatedly?"  Bring it. "Do you mind humiliating yourself on national TV?"  Don't be ridiculous. Now he just waits for the call informing him he's in:  "Mazel tov. You made it.  You'll soon receive a neck brace, a pair of crutches, and a list of physical therapists for future reference in the mail.  Welcome to 'Wipeout.'  You're our kind of crazy."  The young man's very excited about this chance of a lifetime.  Not only could he win 50 grand, he could also meet the girl of his dreams during the competition.  "Any girl who wants to be on 'Wipeout' is my kind of girl.  I will marry her, immediately." Can you say theme wedding?