Torn Between Two Owners

... feeling like a fool

What happens when the owners of a fancy-ass eyewear mini-empire get a nasty divorce?  The ex-wife gets a few stores.  The ex-husband gets a few stores.  And loyal customers like the SJG get a bad case of guilt.  I wanted to stay faithful to the very pushy ex-husband.  I didn't want to cheat on him, especially after that time he caught me wearing a pair from Lenscrafters and had a sh*t fit right there on the street.  So it was with trepidation that I walked into the ex-wife's store in the mall. "Oh my God," I said, "you-know-who will kill me if he finds out I was here." "So don't tell him," she said.

 "It's not about telling him, it's about running into him."  "He picked those out, didn't he?" she asked, referring to my Paul Smith's.  "Uh-huh," I said.  Her disapproval hung in the air, but before she could say anything, her partner, a pink-haired Russian, rendered a verdict. "They're too wide for your face," she said.  The owner eyeballed her.  But Pink kept going.  "You have a small face.  A small face needs smaller glasses."  "I know," I said.  "I always thought these were too big."  "You were right," Pink said.  "They are too big and too wide.  Try these.  You will love them.  You won't want to take them off."  Pink was right, damn it.  I did love them.  I fell head over heels. The attraction was instant.  It was a chemical thing.  A power bigger than my punim.  "If I buy these, it's all over with you-know-who.  I'll never be allowed back in his store."  The Russian leaned over the glass counter and gave me a hug.  "I'll protect you."  "You're good at this," I said.  "I learned from the best." Of course, she did.  Who do you think she used to work for?  The ex-husband.