The Light Bagel Freedom of Choice Act

The Sherman Oaks-based Short Jewish Gal has reintroduced the "Light Bagel Freedom of Choice Act," a bill to repeal a 2007 law mandating that reduced-calorie bagels be phased out on account of "who are they kidding, a real bagel doesn't taste anything like these fat-free posers."  In a news release, the SJG said, "The government has no business telling a person what kind of bagel to buy.  In 2007, Western Bagel came out with a pretty decent low-cal bagel alternative that suits my personal lifestyle.  A little too much fiber?  Hard to slice?  Yes and yes.  But it tastes decent enough and can hold a nice schmear of low-cal cream cheese. Congress overstepped its bounds by mandating that only authentic deli-quality bagels be sold after January 1, 2012. Who the @#$% do they think they are, anyway?  This mandate is totally meshuga and has sweeping effects on American waistlines, not to mention deprives the SJG of her precious 100-calorie bagel and needs serious consideration before taking effect."