Bark-O-Rama

If there's one thing the SJG is famous for, it's my attention-grabbing bark-o-roma cough.  The rumbling begins somewhere in the belly button, ripples up through the solar plexus, thunders past the pharynx, and roars out the exit, frightening anyone nearby.  This cough has cleared out classrooms, ruined recitals, agitated theater-goers, robbed the Zen out of me, the meditative state to which I'm accustomed, and eff'd up social plans 1.4 zillion times.  "Sorry, Carol can't go to Disneyland, she's got the Cough That Must Be Obeyed," my mother used to say, although, not quite so British and not in those exact words.  I'm sharing this now because the Cough That Must Be Obeyed came back to put me in my place the other day.  Historically, the only drug that tames this beast is prednisone, the crazy-making pill that comes with a long list of side-effects, including a new one I never would've known about had I not been watching "Smash," the other night.  Yeah, I watch it.  It's got dancing and singing and authentic shots of Broadway.  Over on "Smash," they're putting on "Marilyn: The Musical!" But the leading lady/head bitch Ivy has lost her voice.  Faster than you can say, "All About Eve," she's taking prednisone and, oy gevalt, hallucinating!  Her arch-rival Karen, the "nice" mid-Westerner who can step in and replace her any time, appears in the mirror, a dead-ringer for Miss Monroe.  And Ivy goes completely meshuggah!  Day Two of the little white crazy pills, and I haven't seen anyone in the mirror but the SJG, in need of a health makeover, and a little blush wouldn't hurt. Stand by for updates.  The day is young.