Dustygate For Dummies

"How do you expect me to get upstairs with this thing in my way?"

On March 29, 2012, a spunky yellow lab named Dusty Schneider attempted to break into the upstairs headquarters of the SJG, located in a swanky suburban district known as Sherman Oaks, or, to hipsters everywhere, the S.O. Dusty is thought to be connected with a radical group called Doggies in Denials (DID), intent on taking down the Committee to Re-Train the Puppy (CREEP), a group of concerned dog owners making lame efforts to keep their aging canines out of harm's way.  Steven Woof, an attorney for DID, tried to dismiss yesterday's break-in as nothing more than a "failed, third-rate burglary."  In defense of his client, Woof added, "All Dusty wanted to do was go upstairs, and if going upstairs meant circumventing a hideous, unsightly gate that clashes with the decor, so be it." As of now, Dusty Schneider is out on bail and still trying to get upstairs.