Friday, August 12, 2016

SJG's Latest Sports-Related Shanda

Identical caps!

SJG-TV's resident sports announcer, the SJG, made an epic blunder last night during the Olympics, when she mixed up Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte’s lanes. She went on to call the entire 200m individual medley as if Lochte won the race by nearly three seconds. Phelps took the gold, and Lochte finished fifth. At the moment, the SJG thought she was calling a monumental accomplishment in Lochte’s career, but once the race ended, it was silence on SJG-TV as the embarrassed sports announcer realized the error. "Oy vey, I couldn't tell the difference between those swim caps. They're identical. In my defense, I'm not exactly a sports maven. It's not my forte, okay? Ever since my regular sports announcer Hailey Mary, a lovely Catholic gal, bolted for another sports network, I've been treading water. No question, my Phelps-Lochte eff-up deserves a Gold Medal of Shame. It's right up there with that time I confused the Stanley Cup with the World Cup. I may have been schnockered on Manischewitz, but that's no excuse. If you see me in temple come Yom Kippur, please don't talk to me. I'll be busy atoning for this, that and so much more."

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