Thursday, August 25, 2016

You Know You Grew Up Jewish When...

You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef brisket.
Your family dog responds to complaints uttered in Yiddish.
Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents.
You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.
You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.
You can understand Yiddish but you can't speak it.
You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't exactly know what they mean. Kina hora.
You grew up thinking it's normal for someone to shout, "Are you okay? Are you okay?" through the bathroom door if you're in there for longer than three minutes.
You feel a sense of pride after seeing a Stephen Spielberg movie.
You thought that speaking loud was normal.

Four-year-old David is having lunch at his grandma’s. After he finishes his bagel and lox and almond Danish, he goes over to her and asks, "Bubbeh, how old are you?" With a smile on her face, his bubbeh replies, "I’m 42, darling - and holding." David thinks about this for a moment, then asks, "And how old would you be, Bubbeh, if you let go?"

One day, eight-year-old Melissa says to her mother, "Mommy, I’ve been thinking about us humans and I’m a bit puzzled. How did we first appear on Earth?" "That’s a very good question, darling," her mother replies. "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then their children had children, and as a result, mankind began." Later that day, Melissa asks her father the same question. "Daddy, how did we humans first appear on earth?" "The universe was created with a big bang, and it took millions of years for mankind to evolve from monkeys and develop intelligence," her father says. Melissa is confused by this answer and goes back to her mother. "Mommy," she asks, "how come you told me the human race was created by God, yet daddy said we developed from monkeys?" "Well," her mother says, "I'm talking about my side of the family, and Daddy's talking about his."

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