Tuesday, January 10, 2017

For The Sake of Beauty

Oy-Veeno! That's cold!

(Sherman Oaks) Breaking News: A major manufacturer is shelling out the big bucks to acquire some questionable celebrity talent. If things go as planned, a short Jewish blogger from the S.O. (the nicer part) will become the next face of Oy-Veeno! “The SJG would be great for the brand because she appears to be a little bit younger than she actually is," says an unnamed source. "Oy-Veeno! thinks she can pass for 57 on a good day, even though she's about to turn 59, and we'd like to tap into the lucrative market of rapidly aging gals trying to save face before it's too late." The SJG is no stranger to beauty products. The blogger has used every gel, goop, mousse and industrial-strength spray out there, to deal with her baby fine thin ka-ka hair. She's been slapping on eye cream since she was a pre-teen. She's a huge fan of concealer. "With me, it's always been about self-preservation," the SJG says. "I'll do whatever it takes to keep my punim from slouching toward the abyss."

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