Tuesday, January 24, 2017

SJG Announces Nominations

(Sherman Oaks) Today's nominations were announced live from the home of the SJG, an internationally-acclaimed maven on many things, including, but not limited to, who deserves an award and who doesn't. Here's what she had to say to a fairly well-behaved mob of reporters gathered on her front lawn at 5 a.m: "I'd invite you nice people inside, but I know some of you would track in mud, so instead, I'll make this fast. Here are my nominations for best picture. 'Funny Girl'..." "Excuse me," a reporter from Jewba.com shouted, "but did you say your nominations?" "You got that right, sister. Now, back to my list. 'When Harry Met -- " "We don't care about your nominations," yelled a reporter from What's It To Ya Weekly. Then someone from Movie Mania Monthly echoed the growing sentiment. "We want to hear about the Academy's nominations." "What's wrong with you people? These are my nominations for best picture ever. I though my people made that clear in the press release." Whereupon the reporters jumped in their cars and took off.  "Bastards!" the SJG said, then went back inside and fired her publicist. "Sir Blakey, stick with the squirrel chasing."

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