Sunday, July 3, 2011

Diva Act

The pretty purple flowers are a no-show
Everywhere I go, the agapanthus mock me.  I walk the dog, and there they are, in full bloom, the pretty purple Lilies of the Nile.  I drive the vehicle registered to the SJG, and there they are, growing lushly in front yards.  Not in my garden.  Oh, hell no, they will not grow.  God forbid the agapanthus should pop up to say hi.  It's their job to look gorgeous, this is why they get paid the big bucks, but this summer, the gals are pulling a diva act.  They are J-Lo.  They are Beyonce.  They are Christina Aguilera.  They refuse to come out of the dressing room, no matter how much I coax, bribe and threaten.  Yesterday I left a heated message for their agent: "The agapanthus are in violation of their contract.  You heard me.  Violation!  The entire garden might shut down if these bitches don't get their flowers in gear.  I want them in the makeup chair.  I want them in wardrobe.  I want my pretty purple lilies out front and center by Monday, or I'm taking it to the next level.  No one treats the SJG like a bag of fertilizer and gets away with it.  No one!" I'm stilling waiting to hear back. 
Everywhere I go, they mock me
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:08 AM

5 comments:

  1. steve lantzJuly 3, 2011 at 9:29 AM

    We planted them throughout the front yard to serve as natural firework decorations since they seem to bloom just before the 4th. But each year several are murdered in careless abondon by skateboarders and trick cyclists that feel compelled to attempt to "jump the stalk" and, when they fail, unmercilessly cut the purple displays from their soaring grandeur to become our garden's equivalent of limp and tired celery.

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  2. steve lantzJuly 3, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    A thought: perhaps I could box up the victims and send them to you with a bit of floral wire and some scotch tape so you can improvise a theatrical presentation of a bloomin' plant.

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  3. Carol Starr SchneiderJuly 3, 2011 at 10:02 AM

    Yes, do that! It is your civic duty to send 'em my way. Unless they're misbehaving divas and need a good spanky-spank.

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  4. JOHNJuly 3, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    Maybe someone's Dog's urine shuts these blooms down? My motto is when in doubt ... blame the dog.

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  5. Carol Starr SchneiderJuly 3, 2011 at 12:51 PM

    I can't really blame Dusty for this one, but I will anyway.

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