Your Lack of Manners

And another thing...

My dad, lifetime provider of hilarity, sent me this yesterday.  Three emails from an angry stepmother to her future daughter-in-law (I wouldn't hold my breath) after the first visit and then, after her nasty email went public.  Anglophile that I am, it is my new favorite story. Something tells me Heidi and Freddie won't be stopping by for tea any time soon.  For full impact, must be read with hoity-toity British accent. 

From: Carolyn Bourne (evil stepmother)
To: Heidi Withers (future daughter-in-law)
Subject: Your lack of manners

"Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:
When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat, unless you are positively allergic to something.
You do not remark that you do not have enough food.
You do not start before everyone else.
You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.
When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early; you fall in line with house norms.
You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.
You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity-style behaviour.
I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.) If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.
One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie."