The Non-Event of the Century

The prevailing sentiment: Why can't every day be Carmageddon? No traffic. No road rage. No bumper-to-bumper. No pandemonium. L.A. is behaving itself, beautifully, so there. Take that, America. Y'all thought we'd freak out without our precious 405. Think again. We are handling it with customary style, humor and generosity. I'm talking discounts on every corner. Half-off for Carmageddon! Buy one, get one free for Carmageddon! Free parking for Carmageddon! In other words, Carmageddon doesn't suck. Au contraire. Carmageddon is bringing out the nicey-nice. It's all about Happy Carmageddon. Who would've thunk it? Just when you're ready to give up on the city and beam your butt elsewhere, L.A. says hang on a minute there, sistah. Set your tush back down. It's all good. It's just Carmageddon. Come Monday, we'll be back to the mean, the impatient, the get-out-of-my-eff'n-way, you giant turd. Till then, we've got one more day of nicey-nice. One more day of you first, oh please, I insist. One more day of good Carma.  Oh man, I'm already feeling nostalgic.