Long Distance Call

"How may I help you?"

"More Seasons, Westchester, how may I help you?"  "Hi, this is the SJG from Sherman Oaks, where it's warm and sunny most of the year."  "Are you  calling to rub that in, ma'am?"  "Not really.  I'm mainly calling to ask if there's still a power outage going on, as Mr. Al Roker would say, in your neck of the woods."  "If there were a power outage, I wouldn't be answering the phone, now would I, Miss SJB?"  "It's SJG.  Short Jewish Gal.  Not SJB.  Short Jewish Bitch.  Although, both names could easily apply on most days.  And you could be answering the phone, if the More Seasons were on a generator."  "To answer your original question, Miss SJG -- " "It's Mrs. SJG.  I haven't been married 31 years for nothing."  "Sorry, ma.am.  Mrs. SJG, let me assure you we have power in White Plains."  "What about Scarsdale?"  "What about it, ma'am?"  "Is there power in Scarsdale?"  "One moment while I check."  "Don't take too long.  I'm calling long distance."  "Some parts of Scarsdale are still without power."  "Wonderful.  Does that include the part of Scarsdale I'm going to for a Bar Mitzvah?"  "That part is fully juiced."  "How do you know that?"  "Here at the More Seasons, we know things.  Will that be all, ma'am?"  "No.  I have a few more questions."  "Of course you do."  "What's the scaffolding situation over there in Westchester?"  "I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't follow." "NYC is all about the scaffolding.  Every block, there's nothing but humanity crammed beneath the scaffolding, bumping into each other, single file, shoving.  I find it all very aggressive.  So, I'm asking, is there an epidemic of scaffolding in Westchester?  I really have to rethink this trip if there's scaffolding."  "One moment while I check."  "Don't take too long.  I'm calling long distance."  "I just spoke to Mr. Nucky Thompson, who heads the White Plains City Planning Office, and he assures me there's no scaffolding within a 50-mile radius of White Plains."  "Oh, thank God."  "Anything else, ma'am?"  "Any snow predicted for this weekend?  I'm getting all dressed up.  I can't wear strappy sandals in the snow."  "No snow.  Any other silly questions?"  "No, that about covers it."  "Have a nice day, Mrs. SJB."