What About The Gifts?

I give this marriage 72 days

Very few came to the door of the SJG last night to collect their free candy.  At first, I took it very personally, as I tend to do, and self-medicated with Peanut M&Ms.  Where had I gone wrong?  I'd put the damn pumpkin out.  Had I carved it?  No.  But I'd put it out there.  I'd positioned the creepy hand in the mailbox.  I'd hung the giant pumpkin cutout on the door.  The house of the SJG was Halloween-friendly.  No graveyards, no skeletons, no witches and goblins.  Yet, I'd made some effort, hadn't I?  Apparently, not enough.  I went to bed sad and woke up with a chocolate hangover.  But then, after a cup or three of coffee, the reason for the low turn out hit me. The reason was simple.  The impending Kardashian divorce, announced on Halloween morn, had upset the trick or treaters.  How could they, in good conscience, dress up and scarf candy and have fun, when Kim was sitting home, suffering?  Or I think she was in Australia, suffering.  Wherever she was, I hope know she was suffering.  Seventy-two days of marriage to a very tall man!  Seventy-two days with a guy who wanted her to freeze her mega-tush off in Minnesota and make babies!  Seventy-two days of agony.  Poor girl.  All those thank you notes, for nothing.  My heart goes out to her.  In the meantime, I'm left with an overage of candy.  This is not good.  Not good at all.  I can't resist Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.  They are my drug of choice.  Get them out of the house!  Get them out now!  So I'm making hubby bring it all to work.  Let his co-workers eat the chocolate.  Better them than me.  Oh, and speaking of Snickers, do you think Kim will return the nice candy dish I sent her as a wedding gift?