Oh, Hanukkah

Oh, Hanukkah!  You start tonight?!

Oh, Hanukkah, I thought you started tomorrow night, but according to the Internet, a reliable source on all things Jewish, you start tonight.  This is the kind of Jewish math that drives the SJG more than a little meshuggah.  My calendar tells me Hanukkah starts tomorrow, which means you really start tonight.  Can you blame me for being confused?  This glitch says so much about you, Hanukkah.  You still feel like the little holiday that could, chugging up the mountain to bring eight toys of diminishing importance to the Jewish children of the world.  And let's face it, Hanukkah, you pretty much leave out the adults.  The last Hanukkah gift I got was... who can remember?  After the Easy Bake Oven, it was all downhill for me, gift-wise.  I seem to recall a sweater one year, maybe a nice Hanukkah check, but somewhere in my 20s, those stopped, too.  The only way I'm getting a Hanukkah gift is if I go out and buy one myself, bring it home and wrap it.  "Happy Hanukkah, SJG.  You rock.  Love, the SJG."  But listen, it's okay, Hanukkah.  I know you're busy, trying to compete with Christmas.  It's a big time of year for you, Hanukkah.  I get it.  But next year, could you at least send me a "Save The Date" card, so I know when you start?  If Trader Joe's has sold out of the frozen latkes I pass off as homemade, be forewarned, Hanukkah.  You can expect a call from my attorney.