Ugly Christmas Sweater, Aisle Three

"Dude, I'm wearing the ugly Xmas sweater.  Swoop me in five."

Last night, the rapper known as Scott D. joined his brother Bill S. for an ugly Christmas sweater party.  Apparently, wearing an ugly Christmas sweater is all the rage this season.  Iguana, a vintage store on Ventura Boulevard, is so hip to this situation, that when you walk in, they take one look at you and say, "Ugly Christmas sweater?  Aisle Three."  For the SJG to even consider a Christmas sweater, let alone pass it off as a birthday present, may be the ultimate shanda, but cheap, it wasn't.  Iguana is cleaning up with these ugly sweaters.  But the ugly one Scott D. picked out, illustrating the 12 Days of Xmas, a lady's sweater, I might add, complete with the turtle doves, the French hens, the what-have-you's, cost 28 bucks plus tax.  I held it up to him, and said, "Happy Birthday."  He's 20 today, which means, 20 years ago, I screamed, "Get this thing out of me!" while birthing him.  And last night, there he was, fully grown, my boychick, in an ugly Christmas sweater.  The whole thing made me wonder if there are any ugly Hanukkah sweaters out there.  I certainly didn't see any at Iguana.  Not one sweater with a Star of David, not one vest with a glittery menorah.  Come next year, I plan to give birth to a new event, complete with gelt, dreidels and a crazy brew of Manischewitz Punch.  The Hideous Hanukkah Sweater Party.  I better get busy with the knitting.  I may need some help.  Any volunteers?