|
"Oy gevalt, they're all so tall and glamorous!" |
Last night, dance class took a double turn when a stampede of long-haired Glamazons in high heels and short skirts stormed the studio. There were 50 of 'em, at least, maybe more. A cloud of clashing perfume descended on us. It was hard to breathe. The SJG flashed the jazz hands in self-defense. "Back, back!" I cried. "We're not done with class yet! We still have five minutes left!" "You're done now," said the leader, a lanky blonde goddess, in fluorescent pink paisley leggings and scary-ass stilettos. I looked over at our teacher, hovering in the corner by the stereo. "Protect us!" I yelled. "I can't," he said. "There's too much estrogen in here. I may need a pacemaker. I'm too old for this." "Who ARE you people?" I asked, "and what do you want?" "We're pageant girls, and we want the room. NOW." "Pageant girls? You mean -- ?" "That's right. We're rehearsing for a beauty pageant. You got a problem with that, shorty?" She took a threatening step toward me, and then another. I couldn't help but notice that her timing was off. I decided not to mention it. "It's all yours," I said, grabbing my dance bag. "Good. 'Cuz we got a group number that's looking like a hot mess. See that little dude over there? He's Justin Bieber's choreographer. He's here to help us." "Wow," I said. "I bet you could stomp him to death with your heels." "Don't think I haven't thought of that. He makes a move on one of us, he's history." "I'm a Bieblieber!" "You should be. Now scram!" "This is me, scramming," I said. And scram I did, all the way down the stairs and out the door to Ventura Boulevard. Later, I realized I should've gone back and saved the teacher and my fellow dancers. That was selfish of me. I sure hope they made it out alive. I'd hate to take class all by myself. What fun is that?
No comments:
Post a Comment