Thursday, January 24, 2013

Moms Banned From Facebook

Effective immediately, Facebook has decided to block the accounts of mothers across the globe.  Sources close to the eldest son of the Short Jewish Gal reveal that, "He just can't take it anymore, and neither can the millions of other adult children victimized by their mothers' vapid maternal postings."  An international e-mail blast finally convinced Facebook to honor its original users -- young people.  "We had Facebook first, and then the moms took over and ruined everything.  It's not right.  It must be stopped," sources close to the eldest son of the Short Jewish Gal further disclosed. "On a typical Facebook day, mothers post enhanced images of their proud cooking accomplishments, they brag endlessly about guess-who-got-into-Harvard, submit Instagrams of neatly-folded, fresh laundry, offer unnecessary flashbacks to junior high, before Facebook and the Internet even existed, share random trips to Vegas, Hawaii, Mexico and Mammoth, and group photos of women at lunch, desperately trying to reconnect with the past.  These same mothers embarrass us, regularly, by friending our friends.  They recruit new members to all their important causes:  the Anti-Flatulance Support Group, the Canine Fecal Bag Grievance Society, the Whipped Cream Cheese Spreaders of America, The Holy Guacamole Gluten-Free Gangsters, West Coast Division.  All of this has been silenced, forever, thanks to the combined efforts of The Ashamed Children of Mothers On Facebook.  You're welcome."

Editor's Note:  The SJG did not write this blog.  The eldest son of the SJG grabbed her laptop, while she was otherwise engaged (doing his laundry) and posted this rant without her permission.

No comments:

Post a Comment