Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Strongest Shirt Ever

"The strongest eff'n shirt ever."
Officially 25, as of yesterday, the eldest son considers his birthday a national holiday.  He took the day off in celebration of himself, and spent part of it with me, his mother, the gal who gave birth to him, which proves, once again, that he was worth the nine months of morning sickness, not to mention the heartburn and borderline gestational diabetes.  But who wants to dwell on that?  The SJG, of course, but only on his birthday.  To kick off his next quarter century, we went to Art's Deli with his younger brother, the rapper.  In between checking his many Facebook birthday greetings, all of them verbally abusive, mean-spirited and in very poor taste -- "Happy birthday, you cross-eyed little prick.  When I see you, I'll kick you in the sack" -- and trading vicious, yet loving, insults with his brother, he managed to scarf down a couple blintzes and a bowl of matzoh ball soup.  Wednesday's outing was a huge step up from past meals at Art's, when I'd have to coax him out from under the table, or beg him to stop leaping from one booth to the next.   And that was just last week -- ba-dump-bump.  After Art's, it was on to the book store, the only one left in the area. What could make a mother happier than buying books for her sons?  Buying a nice mother-of-the-groom dress.  (Yeah, I went there.  He's 25.  Let's get this party started.)  Next, we dropped the rapper off at home, and proceeded to the mall, to exchange a sweater and buy new basketball shoes.  (I've outgrown my old pair. ) As a child, I can't stress how much he hated to shop.  Hated.  It.  The worst may have been shopping for bar mitzvah clothes.  Let's just say we were barred from Rudnick's for life, and leave it at that. But now he kind of likes shopping, as long as he's in and out of the store in under 10 minutes.  "This is the strongest eff'n shirt I've ever seen in my whole life," he said, regarding something black and vintagey.  While the sales guy rang up this object of euphoria, the eldest asked him, "Isn't this the strongest eff'n shirt you've ever seen in your life?"  The question stumped the Macy's employee.  "Uh... yeah?" he answered.  Not exactly the endorsement the eldest had in mind.  But at 25, he doesn't care what anyone thinks.  All that matters is what he thinks, and, when it comes to this particular purchase, his adoration speaks for itself.  He believes, with every ounce of his being, that it's the strongest eff'n shirt ever.

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