Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Introducing The Short Jewish Robot

Today's blog will be co-written by the SJR, my recently-acquired Short Jewish Robot. I pre-programmed her last night. Easy-peasy. All I have to do is press the touchscreen and let her kvetch. Okay, SJR, take it away:


Hang on, this is so embarrassing. She seems to be stuck. I'll just do a little tinkering.


SJR! Get your @#$% together, sheesh. I'm looking for a complete sentence. I'll just rewire your insides, being the tech goddess that I am, and.... and... okay, SJR, let's try this again.

"Let's dance, mutha bitches."

Just bitches, SJR.  I thought we discussed that. Whatever. Let's go in another direction.

"What am I, chopped apples?"

Not apples, SJR. Not. Apples.

"What am I, chopped walnuts?"

Liver, SJG! Liver! Moving right along...

"Matzo top!"

Oh, you silly robot. It's "mazel tov."

"I'm kvelling on yourself."

Er... that's "on your behalf." But close enough.

"Is it too farty in here, or is it me?'

Hot, SJR. Hot. Although, in my house, farty also works.

"I can feel myself rapidly kvetching."

Rapidly Aging. But hey, kvetching works too. Well, I can see the SJR needs a little more finessing. But I really think I'm onto something huuuuuge and globally significant. Either that, or of no absolutely no consequence whatsoever.


  1. All that tweaking/finessing/tutoring can make a robot cranky and out of tune. Perhaps SJR (or SJG?) needs a little protein, manganese and fiber... a little humming along with some hummus couldn't hurt.

  2. All excellent suggestions. Sometimes the SJG needs to go on autopilot!