The Care & Maintenance of The SJG

Today's Short Jewish Gal is much more complex than the early 1958 model, who only needed baby formula, a binky, a nice soft blankie and a good burping to operate. Basic care and maintenance of today's SJG requires a few more steps, but nothing a fully qualified brain mechanic can't handle. Just follow these easy tips and the SJG will run forever:

1.  Check for inner turmoil.
2.  Gauge pressure levels.
3.  Inspect engine for neuroses.
4.  Examine psyche for cracks.
5.  Determine level of childhood damage.
6.  Estimate repair costs.
7.  Calculate exhaustion.
8.  Suggest a nap.  
9.  Pay attention to warning lights.
10.  Recharge batteries with compliments.
11. "You never age."
12. "You look thinner."
13. "Your hair is fabulous."
14.  "Without you, I'm nothing."
15.  "You light up my life."
16.  Replace worn-out parts.
17.  Pump up ego.
18.  Recalibrate denial.
19.  Hose off guilt.
20.  Renew warranty.
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