The nice people at Punim Enterprises would like to wish you a big fat Mazel Tov on winning the Oscar Pool on Sunday. A hundred and sixty dollars is nothing to sneeze at. Why not double, or better yet, triple your money by investing your gelt with us? The timing couldn't be more perfect. Punim Enterprises is just about to launch a new product that will put us on the beauty map. With a little financial help from you (and many, many others), we can roll out our mitzvah in a bottle in time for Mother's Day.
The miracle elixir in question: Rapidly Aging Punim Reversal, a concentrated anti-aging serum that will correct uneven skin tone, deliver an otherworldly glow and wipe out all the life damage that's settled on your formerly younger face. Consistent usage of Rapidly Aging Punim Reversal will erase all signs of grief, parental aggravation and career frustration, plus make your complexion dewy.
So, please, SJG, put that win to good use. Invest with us and get a free bottle of Rapidly Aging Punim Reversal, which will retail for $399 if we ever get that first shipment out of Krapistan. A chance like this comes along maybe once in a lifetime. You don't want to spend the rest of your limited time on earth filled with regret, now do you? Of course not.
Thanks for your money in advance,
Punim Enterprises
Dear Punim Enterprises,
No.
Embracing my flaws,
The SJG
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