Well, I felt like a little kid when I woke up yesterday morning and this highly picturesque view of Cathy's backyard greeted me. "Snow!" I yelled, running through the house. "Snow! Glorious snow!" For some reason, no one met my level of enthusiasm. Snow was not that big deal to the Hamiltons of Lawrence, Kansas. If anything, snow was a pain in the ass, a road hazard, an icy nightmare. Snow could delay my flight back to L.A. Snow threatened to keep me in my comfy home away from home forever. Would that have been such a bad thing? I'd already asked Cathy's adorable mom and step dad to adopt me. And they were considering it. Reviewing the paperwork I'd sent over. I'm pretty sure I was in. "I could be your Jewish daughter!" I told them. "I've always wanted to go to a Bat Mitzvah," Cathy's mom told her on the phone, as she mulled it over. (So far, no signature, but it's coming, people. I feel it.) I spent the next hour and a half explaining the difference between the Bar and the Bat to Cathy and her daughter Emily, a performance that included charades, a medley from "Fiddler on the Roof," a selection of hits from my Broadway musical, "Torah! Torah! Torah!" and a brief but rousing hora 'round their living room. I'm pretty sure they were sad to see me go. Except I think they paid the airport extra to clear the runway. So here I am, back home in Sherman Oaks, where snow is just not happening today, and that's probably a good thing.
As your unpaid fact-checker, I feel compelled to clarify a few things. A) I know the difference between a Bar and a Bat. It was my Shiksa daughter that needed to be enlightened. B) I did NOT pay the airport extra to clear the runway. But, who do you think bribed them to grant you that upgrade to A? Oh, my God, you'd think they had sentenced you to Hell with that B boarding pass!!!
ReplyDeleteFine. I may have gotten a few of the facts mixed-up in my post-snow euphoria. I tend to embellish at times. And honey, that B boarding pass wouldn't have been a nightmare. I would've had to check my bag! Thanks for the upgrade. I put it on your tab. xo
ReplyDeleteMake that "would've" been a nightmare. The SJG does not sit in steerage!
ReplyDelete