Vote For Me

Look who stopped by.

Ding dong. Bark bark. Ding Dong. Bark bark.
"@#$%! Not another candidate for City Council. Hang on! Dusty, hush... Who is it?"
"Ethan Hawke and Patricia Arquette."
"Wait, what?!"
"It's Ethan Hawke and -- "
A quick check through the peephole. Spank my butt and call me Charlie. It really is them.
"Ethan, Patricia, hi. What a surprise."
"Hi, SJG," Ethan says.
"We're huge fans," Patricia says.
"Ditto. I loved you both in 'Boyhood.'"
"So you're going to vote for us?" Ethan asks.
"Vote for you? Please tell me you're not running for City Council, too?"
"I'm running for best supporting actor," Ethan says.
"And I'm running for best supporting actress," Patricia says.
"We're hoping you'll check our names on your ballot," Ethan says.
"Unless you've already filled it out," Patricia says.
"Not yet. I don't have to turn it in till we get to my cousin Andy's on Sunday."
"Cool. Then there's still time to win you over," Ethan says.
"We're really hoping you'll commit to voting for both of us," Patricia says.
"We're a package deal. If you vote for Patty, you have to vote for me, too," Ethan.
"Unless you only want to vote for me, which is fine, too." Patricia says.
"That's not how we rehearsed it," Ethan says.
"I know, but, look at her face. She's obviously conflicted," Patricia says.
"Patty's right, Ethan, sorry. I'm voting for J.K. Simmons in 'Whiplash.'"
 "You sure there's no way I can change your mind? Maybe throw some high-end Oscar swag your way? I've got the basket in my car. Lots of bling."
"Are you trying to buy my vote?"
"Absolutely," Ethan says.
"Oh, Ethan, Ethan, Ethan. I love me some bling. But you're missing the point, I'm afraid. Oscar pools aren't about who deserves to win. They're about guessing who will win. You gotta vote with your keppy, not your heart. You see the diff, big guy?"
"Yeah, I hear ya, SJG. What you're saying is, you'd rather vote for me than J.K., but you're voting for him because you think he'll win."
"Actually, he deserves to win and will win. Not that you're not good in 'Boyhood.' You are. But he's better in 'Whiplash.'"
"Wow, okay. Thanks for your honesty, SJG," Ethan says.
"Well, we hope you'll vote for 'Boyhood' for best picture," Patricia says.
"I haven't made up my mind yet, hon."
"Which way you leaning?" Ethan asks.
"'Boyhood' looked good for a while, but the prospects have dimmed. Everyone's predicting 'Birdman.' But 'American Sniper' has a shot, too. A shot. See what I did there?"
"We've gotta go, SJG. We've got a lot of voters to reach today," Patricia says.
"Thanks for stopping by, guys... good luck. Oh my God, is that Bradley Cooper coming up the walkway?! @#$%! I better go put on some makeup and a nice outfit. I can't let him see me like this. Tell him to wait, okay?"

"Vote for me, SJG."