Every year, I try my best to look gorgeous on Valentine's Day. I pull out my finest fishnets, my skintight couture, my sky-high stilettos. I slap on my purple eye shadow, smear on my shiny red lipstick, rouge my cheeks and tease my hair into a fetching beehive, and wait for romance. Still, no takers. What am I doing wrong?
Sincerely,
Still Single in Outer Monrovia
Dear Single,
It's all about location, location, location. This year, I suggest you stand on a street corner in Outer Monrovia, wave to passing cars, show a little leg and there's a good chance that love, or something in the vicinity, will find you. If the cops find you, instead, SJG Bail Bonds is just a phone call away.
You're welcome,
The SJG
I'll be out of town on Valentine's Day. For the first time in 35 years, the man I gave my tender heart to so long ago will have to wing it alone. I'm concerned that he may spend the entire holiday weeping and/or scarfing all the Girl Scout Cookies I hid from him. What are the odds that he'll survive Valentine's Day without me?
Hugs,
Worried in Sherman Oaks
Dear Worried,
Take the cookies with you, leave him an extra box of Kleenex and call him every 15 minutes to make sure he hasn't fallen in love with someone else during your absence.
You're welcome,
The SJG
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