The Embarrassment Principle

Can a dog embarrass you? Absolutely. Overheard at the vet:
"Stop."
"Bad boy."
"Binky, quit barking."
"Binky, I said no."
"Binky, you're embarrassing Mommy."

Poor Binky. I feel for ya, little guy. The SJG has been there. I was raised by the Embarrassment Principle, too. "Kids, don't embarrass us tonight." "Kids, don't embarrass us today." "Kids..." Well, you get the picture, Binky. By the way, I never quite figured out what "don't embarrass us" meant. When it comes to my own sons, I'm happy to report, "Don't embarrass me" never escaped my lips. There was no point. Embarrassment was a foregone conclusion, especially with the eldest. Let's just say he's fond of flatulence, and leave it at that. Come to think of it, I've never told Dusty, "Don't embarrass Mommy," either. Gee, I'm pretty evolved for a human.

Look, Binky... Binky, pay attention, I'm talking to you. I'm sure with some long-term therapy, 10 years, maybe more, you'll learn to deal with your issues. Not everything is about you, Binky. In time, you'll accept the good and the bad sides of your doggy self. In time, you'll embrace your truth. Which comes down to this: Be the dog you want to be. Keep barking, Binky. Just, you know, modify the bark a bit. A little behavioral modification never hurt anybody. When you're in the waiting room, for instance, could you maybe drop the volume and lessen the frequency? You're not the only barker in here, dude. Sheesh, all the fuss you're making. Shush, you cute little narcissist. Seriously, Binky. You're giving me a migraine.