Friday, January 29, 2016

A Minyan of Multi-Shapes

Curvy, Tall, Petite, Original

(Sherman Oaks) The Short Jewish Gal had much to say -- what, are you surprised? -- about the onslaught of diverse Barbies that Mattel announced the other day, without consulting her first. "Let's face it. Do little girls really give a ka-ka about what their Barbies look like? I didn't. Well, that's not true. I had a few quibbles. When I played with Barbie way back in... none of your @#$%'n business, that's when... I just wanted her to stand up like a mensch and not fall down. I had many things I needed Barbie to do, like clean my room, make my bed, organize my crayons, alphabetically -- a little anal? how dare you! -- and all my Barbie did was fall over. I'd prop her up, and boom, down she'd go. I thought I could achieve the unachievable if Barbie had bendable legs. So I traded in the original, not knowing that one day, Barbie would be collectible. Little girls don't think that way. Plus, do they really need to get hit on the head with the Barbie-as-role-model message that one day, they're going to grow up to look just like their fashionable dollies? If I'd been given a short Barbie at the tender age of six, I would've taken it personally, as I've been doing since, oh, birth. I would've read between the plastic wrapping. 'Oh, so, I don't deserve a tall Barbie? I get the short one. So you're telling me this is it? I'm not growing any more?" And a zoftig Barbie? Please! That would've planted a few issues in my tender keppy. As in, 'So, Barbie has a big butt. One day I will too. Hello, puberty!' In conclusion, I think Mattel is overreaching here with the minyan of multi-shaped Barbies, in hopes of a better market share. I wish them much mazel. They're going to need it."