Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Try Not To Blink

Dear SJG,
I barely have enough energy to blink today. I've had 18 cups of coffee. Nothing works. Any suggestions on how to perk up my sorry ass?
Thanks,
Lethargic in La Canada

What he said
Dear Lethargic,
When you blink, you miss out on important stuff. In general, blinking is for losers. It's exhausting, and from what I hear, burns zero calories. Blinking. Who needs it? Better to keep your eyes propped open with the first available item you find in that overstuffed kitchen drawer you won't let anyone go near, the one with the clothes pins, paper clips, rubber bands and butterfly barrettes. Go on. Pry those eyes open. Do it, immediately if not sooner, and you'll perk right up. Trust me, you'll be wide awake, whether you like it or not, and ready to greet what's left of the the day with the appropriate amount of vigilance, paranoia, pain and suffering -- all part of navigating the human condition, am I right?
You're Welcome,
The SJG

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