Thursday, December 15, 2016

Past The Expiration Date

Oh, my peeps, my personal support team, I must tell you what happened yesterday. I'm shaking as I write this, that's how deep the trauma goes. Or maybe it's my eighth cup of coffee. I was out walking Sir Blakey, or should I say, Sir Blakey was out-walking me, when we passed a bunch of hot, manly crew members involved in yet another @#$%'n commercial filming in my neighborhood. Why don't they ever ask to film commercials in my palatial estate and pay me the money? I'll tell you why. Because I don't live in a super-modern, just-built house. If that's not a shanda, what is? I'm about to tell you. So, we're walking past the manly man, and one of them, the youngest crew member, says, "Wow, that's one beautiful -- "

Okay, here's where you get to play along. Fill in the blank and win a prize if you guess, correctly. "Wow, that's one beautiful -- "
a. Gluteus Maximus
b. Cosmetically-Enhanced Smile
c. Dog

Let's just say that right after he'd issued his assessment, an alert started going off on my iPhone. "Beep, beep, beep. You have just reached your expiration date. Please return to the factory for an upgrade." At first, I didn't quite understand what had triggered this harsh judgment. Aw, but then it hit me like a soggy, uncooked latke. When a man pays your dog a compliment, and not you, it's time to admit you're no longer the hunk-magnet you once were. I think I can live with that.

Show of hands. How many of you answered "a"?

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