Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Don't Forget The Plate

(thankie to the lovely Yael Levi Blasberg for this cartoon)
Last night, I got my orders from my mother-in-law, who'd phoned from Passover Headquarters on the Westside, where matzoh costs more but tastes the same.  "So, you'll bring the folding chairs."  "How many?"  "Five."  "Five?  I thought you wanted nine."  "We have four that should work, but they're too low.  Are yours low?"  "No, they're good."  "So bring nine. It'll be tight around the table, with 12 of us."  "You want me to bring 12?" "No.  We'll use three of ours."  "It'll be cozy.  Let's hope everyone showers first."  "Don't forget the cushions."  "I would never forget the cushions."  "Last year, you forgot the seder plate." "That was the year before.  You forgot to remind me."  "I'm reminding you."  "I don't have it.  You do."  "Hang on, I'll check.  Where the hell did I put it?" "What else should I bring?"  "The charoset." "I look forward to chopping." "Don't forget the little cupcake tins."  "I still have some from last year."  "I can't find the plate."  "Try that little closet in the hall."  "There it is!  You're a genius."  "Thank you.  Now then, to review, nine chairs and charoset and little tins."  "That should do it."  "Don't you want me to bring macaroons?"  "'Did you see '60 Minutes' on Sunday?"  "I was too busy watching nine million other shows."  "They did a story about sugar.  It causes cancer."  "It does?"  "That's what they said.  I use Splenda whenever I can, but even that's bad for you."  "So, do you still want the macaroons?"  "Of course."