Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Questionable Fashion Choices

My stylist said this was a good look for me.
The SJG tries to hold on to the Oscar hoopla for as long as humanly possible.  It's just so hard for me to let it go and return to normal.  I love it so much:  The pre-show crap, the show itself, the post-show crap.  I listen intently to the fashion mavens dishing the diva gowns, and I'm so incredibly thankful that I'm not the one strutting the red carpet.  I can only imagine how they'd rip apart my choices:  "Oh.  Dear.  Gawd.  In.  Heaven.  Check out the SJG!  Chartreuse?  Really?  Not her color.  And what's with the edible jewelry, in case she gets hungry and needs a nosh?  Doesn't she know it's not cool to nibble her bracelet, even if it's full of chocolatey goodness?  And that weird feathered headdress!  Puh-leeze!  That's so last year.  Oh, and don't get us started on her V.P.L.  Visible Panty Line.  Hey SJG!  We can see your Spanx!  It's time for the SJG to fire her stylist, because this year's Oscar look is an epic shanda."  Ouch.  That's so hurtful.  Better to remain humble and unknown than to get torn apart, accessory by accessory.  So.  I'd like to thank the Academy for the complete lack of recognition on every level. I look forward to more of the same non-abuse next year.  I don't think I'd hold up well under all that scrutiny.  The SJG is just too sensitive.  For I am this:
But then, you knew that already, didn't you? 

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