Saturday, April 22, 2017

How We Got Here

In honor of Earth Day, I'm re-sharing with you my sweet daddy's theory of how the Earth came to be. One month before departing for the Big Deli in the Sky, where they serve a bottomless bowl of matzoh ball soup and corned beef to die for -- see what I did there? -- he finally figured it all out, after reassuring us he wasn't going anywhere for at least 20 years: 

"So, how did we get here? Who decided, okay, I'll make a place and we'll call it Earth?  Maybe he was the producer, the money guy. And then someone else in the room, one of the writers, said, 'Earth?  Why are we calling it that?'  And the producer, said, 'Why not?'  No one had a good comeback, so the producer kept going.  'We need some people on Earth. How are we going to get people?  Hang on, I know. We'll start with a fish.' And then the same writer who thought Earth was a dumb name, said, 'A fish? Why a fish?' 'Why not?' the producer said. 'So this fish was swimming around in the sea and said, 'I'm tired of being a fish,' and walked out of the water and became a man. Wow. Then one day the former fish got lonely. So the producer, let's call him God, said, 'Listen, give me a rib and I'll make a woman for you.' And the former fish said, 'Why do I have to give you a rib?' 'Because I said so,' God said. 'You can give me a rib or I'll rip it out. Your choice.'  So the ex-fish said, 'Fine, I'll give you a rib, just make sure the woman is pretty.  I'm not giving up a rib for a dog.' And God said, 'I'll see what I can do. But I'm not making any promises.'" -- the late great Ben Starr

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