Thursday, April 6, 2017

Imaginary Buttinsky

Mrs. Buttinsky 

(Sherman Oaks) The Short Jewish Gal, president and ruler of her own kvetchy universe, is ecstatic to announce a new slice of hilarity premiering at some point, where else, on SJG-TV. At the moment, "Imaginary Buttinsky" is stuck in development hell. Inside sources (aka Sir Blakey) indicate the SJG is too... what's a gentle way to put it... "hands on" when it comes to the true-ish story of her imaginary childhood friend Mrs. Salarni. Why the junior SJG picked an Italian woman to confide in, instead of a cute cuddly stuffed turtle named Hershel, is anyone's guess. But in a TV show, a warm and comforting confidante who reads you "Cat in the Hat" sounds deadly dull and sleep-inducing. So, the SJG has fiddled with the facts and turned Mrs. Salarni into an adorably bossy, gun-toting Brooklyn buttinsky who pops up in a dumpy housecoat and orthopedic shoes at the worst times to give her unsolicited opinion and maybe hijack the SJG's internationally-acclaimed blog when she's napping on the sofa, a daily occurrence right around 4 p.m.

A sample of dialogue:
"Mrs. Buttinsky, no one asked you."
"You did."
"No, I didn't."
"I heard you with my own imaginary ears. Now listen, you. You need to put more salt on that chicken before you put it in the oven."
"It's got enough salt."
"Fine. You want to make a tasteless chicken, be my guest."
"Go away, Mrs. Buttinsky, I'm begging you."
"Make me."
"Put away the gun, you can stay."

"Imaginary Buttinsky." Not quite there but getting closer. Coming at some point to your giant-ass flatscreen TV, the one your neighbors are so jealous of, they talk about you behind your back, and not in a nice way.


  1. She needs a hipflask in her housecoat that at some point gets exploded by an errant bullet from the gun... ya know a bit of John Wayne in "True Grit."

  2. Yes! Exactly! That will get me out of development hell and into production!!!