Why does my eldest son keep threatening to move to San Francisco? Doesn't he know that if he goes, I'm going with him? I'm pretty happy right where I am. What about my needs? And have you checked rents in the Bay Area? They're in the stratosphere. I'm afraid we'll have to share a studio. That's too small. I need a lot of room to kvetch. What happens to all that nice furniture hubby and I bought for his current apartment? It won't fit in a dinky-ass bachelor pad. Hell, it won't fit in a U-haul. What's so terrible about living in one city per lifetime? Why do my children have to grow up? What can I do to stop this insanity? Oh, and can you recommend a decent mover, just in case my plan to sabotage his dreams goes south?
Thanks,
Suffering In Sherman Oaks
Dear Suffering,
There are many things you can do to discourage him from moving, including, but not limited to, cutting him out of the will. Withholding his inheritance until he understands the severity of his actions may be your best tactic. Of course, this may have a few unhappy consequences. A lifetime of resentment comes to mind. Unreturned phone calls. No more adorable emoji-cons texted back and forth 18 times a day. Depriving you of grandchildren. If you're uncomfortable threatening him, monetarily, then you could remind him it's always chilly in San Francisco, even in the summer. He might catch a cold if he moves up there. When all else fails, I hear Two Shleppers And A Big Truck will get the job done for a reasonable rate.
You're Welcome,
SJG
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