Monday, February 4, 2019

SJG Survives Snooze Bowl

The dance moves were super fun.

(Sherman Oaks) In an unexpected show of team loyalty and family unity, a short Jewish blogger survived the Super Snooze Bowl on Sunday, never leaving the sofa "except to wee-wee, but other than that... okay, maybe I got up to grab a few chips and guacamole, and some of hubby's white bean chili, but I pretty much stayed put for its entirety, or more accurately, what felt like an eternity." In between brief naps, the SJG yelled out various sporty-sounding things, such as "go take the ball, go down the field and score, score," and "push 'em back, push 'em back, way back." "You know, I was a cheerleader for one football game back in junior high, so I really brought as much rah-rah team spirit as I could muster." She went on to sum up the game in her most numbing sports announcer voice: "I enjoyed the Rockette-style high kicks the most." Neither team scored for "an incredibly long-ass time," she added, "and then at some point, the Patriots scored, and some people in my house started swearing very loudly and saying very unsportsmanlike things, and then the Rams scored, tying up the game, and that was nice for awhile, and then the Rams lost by ten points and it all ended in an epic shanda. Just between us, I felt nothing."
Adam's ugly geometric-Target throw pillow-esque tank top
certainly made a statement. 

Asked about the half-time show, the longtime Adam Levine fan said, "Listen, he made a rapidly aging gal happy, what with the washboard abs and the moves like Jagger, and the pretty lanterns with the nice messages, and personally, it was fine by me and fairly entertaining. Based on what I'm reading today, not everyone agreed. And all I can say to that is, to each his/her own. I'm just glad nobody got hurt."
Pretty lights. One love. What's wrong with that? 

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