Help Wanted

This morning, hubby informs me that a neighbor's sewer line has exploded.  Is that any way to say "welcome home, SJG, we missed you"?  Uh, I don't think so.  A parade would've been nicer.  Declarations of, "Oh, thank God, she's back!" would've brought a smile to my punim.  Or how about reassurances blasting from a loud speaker: "The college boy is just fine!  Stop worrying!" Also good.  How about a laundry bitch to do the laundry?  A personal shopper?  A masseuse named Sven to make my back feel better after aerobed hell?  But no, this morning, I get none of that.  I get news of exploding sewer lines.  Calgon, take me away.