Don't Make Me Shush You

Open "The SJG's Behavior Manual," my personal bible (you know how I don't like to cross the line), go to page 13, and you'll learn how to conduct yourself properly in a movie theater.  You're probably thinking, "How hard can it be?"  Plenty hard, if you ask me.  You may think you know the etiquette, but unless you were raised by champion shushers, you don't.  At an early age my brothers and I learned not to talk during TV shows and award ceremonies.  Talking during commercials was okay, but then, it was back to "Sheket b'vakasha" (silence please).  Movie-going also meant no talking.  Theater-going, same thing.  The underlying principal: respect.  Respect the people forced to watch the TV program or movie with you, respect the people who made the TV program or movie you're watching.  Be considerate of others and they'll be considerate of you.  Imagine my surprise when I discovered that this didn't quite hold up in the real world.  Many people are inconsiderate a-holes. Such a rude awakening for the SJG.  It made me wonder:  if others get to be a-holes, do I get to be one, too?  According to page 52 of "The SJG's Behavior Manual," no. So when hubby and I go to the movies, as we did yesterday, we sit there and whisper before the lights go out.  If we need to say something during the movie, we whisper.  People around us?  They don't whisper.  They talk loudly. Why do they do this?  See earlier reference to a-holes. But don't you worry, the SJG knows how to handle the talkers.  Like those before me, I'm a champion shusher.  I shush and people listen.  One shush from the SJG and you'll never talk in a movie again.  I'm that powerful.  During "50/50," a fine movie that made me weep and smile, weep and smile, I let loose with a force 3 shush that silenced every theater at the Arclight.  "Nicely done," hubby whispered.  "I thought so," I whispered back.  Mess with the SJG?  You're gonna get shushed.