One Ringy Dingy

In preparation for the arrival of my pretty new iPhone, I'm devoting myself to selecting a ringtone that suits my personal lifestyle.  A ringtone that defines the SJG.  For the past five years, I've had a snappy calypso track on my ancient relic of a phone, a tune that makes me shimmy and tells the world I'm a certified goofball.  The message my peppy ringtone conveys:  I have no freakin' clue how to download a real song.  This morning, in an effort to help with the selection process, and openly offend me, the eldest traveled down memory lane, regaling me with some delightful ringtone stories from his youth.  Here's the only one I can share, for legal reasons.  Freshman year of college, he had "Do You Think I'm Sexy?"  "That was before I dropped my phone in a cup of Vodka."  "What's your ringtone now?" I asked.  "Call me."  "Call Me by Blondie?"  "No.  Call me so I can tell you."  "Time to cut back on the alcohol," I suggested, before calling him.  His insane, cackling ringtone came on and Dusty hid under the table in fear.  "What the hell is that?" "Lemonade by Gucci Mane."  "It's hateful," I said, and made the mistake of asking him to suggest a hip, happening ringtone for me.  He rattled off the following artists:  Al Jolson, Barry Manilow, Celine Dion, Shania Twain and Paula Abdul.  Hmm.  Paula Abdul, a fellow SJG.  That might be fun.  Strutting down Ventura Boulevard to "Straight Up"?  Could be very retro.  Or very stupid.  Been there, done that.  So now, I turn the floor over to you, my bloggies, my peeps, my Internet mishpocheh, for guidance.  I need a theme song.  What should my ringtone be?  And if you say "Short People" by Randy Newman, you know me too well.