Saturday, January 7, 2012

Now Hiring

Early morning dog walker needed.  Duties and responsibilities: Haul your butt out of bed before you're actually awake.  Dress in warm yet fashion-forward clothes to make good impression. Collect outdoor poopy deposits of a dog named Dusty. Navigate bumpy, cracked suburban terrain.  Quick-footed a plus. Must be ready to dodge obstacles that pop up at random intervals. Abandoned shopping carts.  Runaway strollers.  Fallen branches. Spiky little tree balls from hell.
Skills:  Fast learner.  Patient.  Loving.  Ability to cope with compulsive sniffing.  Excellent decision making and analytical skills.  Excellent leash management.  Ability to deal with sleepwalking neighbors.  Calm under all situations.  Black belt in karate a plus.  Ability to speak Dog.  Good emotional balance. Salary: Iffy.  Benefits: Psychological.  Hours:  Monday - Sunday, 6:45 a.m. to 7 a.m.  Apply:  www.shortjewishgal.blogspot.com.  Hurry. Employer anxious to fill position.  Hasn't slept late since 2003.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:23 AM

7 comments:

  1. TARYTERREJanuary 7, 2012 at 8:42 AM

    This is EXACTLY why I have a CAT.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Carol Starr SchneiderJanuary 7, 2012 at 8:51 AM

    Funny!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. JOHNJanuary 7, 2012 at 9:10 AM

    I used to pay the teenage girl down the street $5 a day to walk our dog. Then she grew up and selfishly went to collage. Kids.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Carol Starr SchneiderJanuary 7, 2012 at 9:38 AM

    The nerve. Hubby does it 99 percent of the time... shush, that's just between us.

    ReplyDelete
  5. mickJanuary 8, 2012 at 4:12 AM

    If you lived where I do you could add, "Must enjoy exposure to sub-freezing temperatures."

    ReplyDelete
  6. Carol Starr SchneiderJanuary 8, 2012 at 8:20 AM

    I would never survive the elements. Thanks again for the shout-out!

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJuly 2, 2012 at 6:03 AM

    I LOVE your blog. Being a pet sitter as well I totally relate to what your'e saying. Tall Jewish Gal.

    ReplyDelete

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