Monday, January 23, 2012

SJG To Buy Dodgers

Welcome to SJG Dodger Stadium
Today is the deadline day for anyone interested in submitting a bid to purchase the Los Angeles Dodgers. So far the list of potential buyers is a veritable "who's-who" list of sports legends, and one major surprise. Bids are estimated to come in at over $1 billion. Some insiders predict that the team could even sell for up to $1.6 billion. Fans should be pretty pleased with the long, star-studded list. It includes former Dodger greats such as ex-owner Peter O'Malley, as well as ex-players Steve Garvey and Orel Hershiser. Coming out of left field to place her bid:  the Short Jewish Gal of Sherman Oaks. "Who wouldn't want to own the Dodgers?" said the SJG. "I've been saving up for years.  Back in the day, I made a lot of money babysitting.  But my dream to own the Dodgers really took hold in high school, when I used to get free seats to the games, thanks to membership in some hoity-toity academic organization.  I believe I may have bought my way into that club.  I took my dad to the games, and we never sat in the designated seats because they were awful.  We picked the best empty seats, until security told us to move.  We'd just play dumb, say, 'Oh whoops, sorry, these aren't our seats?' and find even better seats.  We spent the entire game moving around the stadium.  My dad taught me a valuable lesson:  Never settle.  Keep going till you get what you want.  I promised him, 'One day, we won't have to schlep from seat to seat.  One day, I'll own this place and we can sit wherever we want.'  'I'm going to hold you that,' he said.  Well, now's my chance to make him proud and buy the Dodgers.  So what if I'm short a billion?  I'm doing this for my daddy, and that's what matters."


  1. Just, please, don't move 'em to the Valley.
    p.s. Any chance of free Dodger Dogs with mustard for close personal friends of the SJG?

  2. Oh, Mickey, not to worry, the Dodgers will stay put. Free D-Dogs for everyone, and beer, and some nice hot kugel.