The SJG Float

Last year, Pasadena rejected the SJG Float, made entirely of onion bagels, cream cheese and lox imported from Costco. "I'm here for the Tournament of Moses," I told security.  They grabbed me at the gate.  "That's roses, not Moses, ma'am.  You're not on the list of floats.  Scram."  "Let the SJG go!" I said, and schlepped back to Sherman Oaks in defeat.  I vowed to return this year.  So this morning, there I was, freezing my tuchas off, putting the finishing touches on my new float, the Giant Matzoh Ball, when a security guard tapped me on the shoulder.  "The parade's not till tomorrow, ma'am."  "Very funny."  "I'm not kidding.  It's tomorrow."  "The Moses Parade is always January 1st."  "It's Sunday, ma'am." "So, we can't parade on Sunday?"  "Not in Pasadena.  And just between us, it's Roses, not Moses."  "Oy gevalt, how am I going to keep my giant matzoh light and fluffy till tomorrow?" The guard leaned in, closely.  "Can I let you in on a secret?" "I'd be honored."  "Seltzer."  "Excuse me?"  "A spritz of seltzer makes all the difference."  "Says who?"  "My bubbie.  Works every time."  It was then I noticed his badge.  Goldstein.  "I'll give it a try."  "It couldn't hurt," he said.  "Good yontiff," I said.  "Abi gezunt!" he said, and went on his way.