The Award for Biggest Jerk

So not funny

In my chic jammies, clutching my bedazzled tissue box, I never felt red carpet ready for the big night. Next year, I vow to up the wardrobe and hire a stylist.  The SJG predix were spot on, except when they weren't, and for that, I'm as humbled as Sacha Baron Cohen, dressed as a dictator to promote his upcoming movie, who apologized profusely for dumping an urn full of pancake mix on Ryan Seacrest during the pre-show banter on "E!"  Oh, wait, he didn't apologize.  But security carried him off the red carpet and that was fun.  Ryan was a good sport, although he was probably seething.  Billy Crystal did a nice hosting job, not spectacular, not a train wreck, so that's good.  There were high points - the "Wizard of Oz" focus group - and low points - Viola Davis losing to Meryl.  All in all, the Academy Awards earned two and a half bagels at the SJG buffet.  We can now return to our normal activities.