Such A Deal

Mazal?  Mazel? 

Dear SJG,
When is the right time to tell my eldest son about the nice marriage I arranged for him, at birth, in exchange for a year's worth of mortgage payments, interest-free, back in 1988?  The bank officer told me this was a one-time offer, and I grabbed it.  I may have been a little hormonal at the time.  But deals like this come only once a century, and I couldn't refuse.  His wedding to LaZealtrice is this Sunday.  From the photo her father supplied, with a little cosmetic help and some heavy facial waxing, she could be a real looker.  I turn to you, the social maven, for help. 
Thanks,
Panicked in Sherman Oaks

Dear Panicked,
Don't worry, the SJG is here.  Just invite your son over for the standard black-tie brunch you hold every Sunday, hand him some imported lox, and he'll be so busy noshing, he won't notice the rabbi and the guests and the unfortunate lady in the gown waiting to say "I do." Mazel tov!
You're welcome,
The SJG