The Royal Kateness

The Kateness in cognito 

The Kateness.  That's the official name of Kelly and Jen's daughter, not quite two, yet ready to govern a small country.  The SJG only knows from boys, boys, boys.  I've been raising them for a while now, and  when I get around a person of the female variety, I go a little crazy.  My voice gets all high and my silliness multiplies.  But the Kateness reins me in.  She dons her sunglasses and commands me to sit while she eats her yogurt.  I do as I'm told.  My favorite thing is when she says my name, or a close approximation, and goes running around the kitchen in circles.  "Garol!  Garol!  Garol!"  It makes me feel like a rock star.  It makes me feel good about myself.  During her pre-verbal phase, I was known at court as Jewish Grandma.  Somehow that evolved into Carol Friend.  And now that she's speaking a fascinating hybrid of the Queen's English, I'm simply Garol.  I'm proud to be called Garol and if I have to legally change my name to make her happy, I will do so.  In fact, I will do anything to make the Kateness love and adore me.  In her presence, I'm a puddle.  I'm happy to sit and listen to her scream the alphabet and say things like, "Silly little dawg."  Yesterday, she said, "Silly Garol."  I collapsed in a heap of joy.  Frequently, I ask Kelly, "Can I have her?"  Kelly's answer is always the same.  "No."  "Please!"  "No."  "May I take the Kateness home with me now?"  "No."  "You can visit her all the time!"  "No."  Of course, it's hard to get any work done when someone so spectacular, so regal as the Kateness, is nearby, mainly because she knocks on the door and wants in and says, "Hi, Garol," until you open the door.  Honestly, I would be happy to just stare at her for three solid hours, but Kelly keeps reminding me we're supposed to be working on our script, the same script we've been infusing with comic brilliance since the Kateness was in utero.  But hey, Dreamworks wasn't built it a day.  One day, we'll finish it.  Maybe one day soon.  But, just between us, I don't care how long it takes.  Any chance to bask in the wonder of Kateness is another excellent reason to procrastinate.