Sunday, March 12, 2017

Sleep Writing In Sherman Oaks

(Sherman Oaks) Reporters, sleep specialists, a film crew and random early risers in search of fresh bagels gathered at SJG Palace this morning to watch the SJG sleep write her more-or-less daily blog from the comfort of her royal bed. "This is very exciting," Dr. Shirley Shluffstein whispered. "Sleepwalking, we've seen plenty of, but sleep writing? That's a whole other bowl of kreplach. If the snoozing blogger can pull this off, and I can take all the credit, I could finally win the highly-coveted Winken Blinken Fellowship I've been trying to snag since 1994." It was all quiet in the boudoir as Dr. Shluffstein positioned the lightly snoring SJG with pillows, opened her laptop, placed the writer's dainty yet unmanicured fingers on the keyboard and waited for the magic to happen. "Shush, people, especially you in the back, chewing gum. The SJG can't sleep-blog if she's annoyed. It's hard enough when she's awake." Just then, the SJG's fingers started to schlep across the keys. "Are you getting this?" Dr. Shluffstein asked the camerawoman, who didn't answer. Apparently, she'd nodded off. "Wake her up, this is important." "She can't help it," an assistant said, "she lost an hour of sleep last night." "Who didn't?" Dr. Shulffstein said. "Give her a good nudge." A gentle shove and the camerawoman woke up in time to capture the miracle that could change the course of sleep research, and God willing, go viral on OyTube. "What's she writing?" a reporter whispered. Dr. Shluffstein leaned over the laptop and smiled. "Stupid... eff'n... daylight..." "Go on," someone said. "That's it. Just 'stupid... eff'n... daylight.' You see what the SJG did there? Rather than curse the darkness, she cursed the daylight. Let's face it, even asleep, she's got a potty mouth."

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